Friday, January 17, 2020

On Being Married

Daryl and I don't have a song, and I suppose not a lot of couples do these days -- gone are the days of formal dances and mix tapes. I think we'd both agree, though, that if we did have a song, it'd be this:

Here, read the lyrics:
I don't remember what day it was
I didn't notice what time it was
All I know is that I fell in love with you
And if all my dreams come true
I'll be spending time with you
Every day's a new day in love with you
With each day comes a new way of loving you
Every time I kiss your lips my mind starts to wander
And if all my dreams come true
I'll be spending time with you
Oh, I love you more today than yesterdayBut not as much as tomorrowI love you more today than yesterdayBut, darling, not as much as tomorrow
Tomorrow's date means springtime's just a day away
Cupid, we don't need ya now, be on your way
I thank the lord for love like ours that grows ever stronger
And I always will be true
I know you feel the same way too
Oh, I love you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow
I love you more today than yesterday
But only half as much as tomorrow
Every day's a new day, every time I love ya
Every way's a new way, every time I love ya
Every day's a new day, oh, how I love ya
I'm sure some people think, "Oh, that's cute. They're in the honeymoon phase still." And maybe so. But every day I'm amazed that marriage can be like this. I love Daryl more than I did when he proposed and more than I did the day we married. My love for him grows and grows, and I don't understand it. We've had our share of troubles and arguments, of course, but I've never experienced the peace that comes from being so happily matched. It's a wonder.

Thing I'm thankful for: medicine

Wednesday, January 15, 2020

Snow Is the Best, or Why I'm Keeping My Last Name

People have been calling me "Sarasnow" my whole adult life, with no space between my first and last names. Once, my friend asked his four-year-old daughter what my first name was, and she said, "Sawasnow." Again, no space. And how fitting. I have no middle name, so it just rolls off the tongue. I love it. I love that other people love it.

When Daryl suggested, then, that I keep my last name, I thought, "What? No! How could I do that? I've always looked forward to changing my name when I get married!" But actually, I hadn't. It was hard for me to admit that for the past five or six years, I've thought about how much I like my name and how much I've disliked the last names of some of the guys I dated: Turbeyfield and Woffinden being the worst of the bunch. It's awful of me to say, I know, but with a name like Snow, I feel like I'm allowed to be a bit snobby. :)

Besides vanity, though, there's something like . . . familiarity or nostalgia at play. I've had the name Snow for 38 years -- longer than most women have their maiden names -- and I'm used to it. I use it in my email address, my social media accounts, and my business ventures and professional life. Why change now?

Finally, there's this, from Laurie Scheuble, a sociologist from Penn State University:
"It's what we're used to [. . .] The tradition of women changing their last names to match their husbands’ has its origins in the property transfer that took place upon marriage. Essentially, women went from being part of their parents’ family to becoming their husbands’ property. Although we don’t have that property aspect anymore, we still have this whole gendered notion that women somehow are obligated to take the last names of their husbands. [. . .] It’s turned over to normative tradition. It's the last socially acceptable sexism." (Why So Many Women Still Take Their Husband's Last Name. Berman, 2017)

When I read that line -- "the last socially acceptable sexism" -- it struck something in me that exclaimed, "Yes! That's true!" I realize people will argue this point, and that's fine by me. It's also fine by me if women continue to change their last names upon marriage, but for me, it feels strange to use any other name besides Snow. So I'll keep it.

Thing I'm thankful for: a "woke" husband. Ha!