What Does It Mean to Be a Friend?

I've been thinking a lot about friendship recently because 1) it's difficult to make friends in middle-age, and 2) it's difficult to let friends go in middle-age. In my youth and early twenties, I read articles in teen's and women's magazines about how to get a boyfriend, how to break up with someone, and how to survive a breakup, but you know what? I don't remember reading anything about how to get a friend, how to break up with a friend, or how to survive the end of a friendship. It's so awkward and painful, and I think more should be written on it. Maybe I'll pitch an article to InStyle or Women's Health . . .

And maybe I'll write about what I think a friend should be. It centers around a scripture from Mormon theology and is found in Mosiah 18:8–10. In these verses, the prophet Alma teaches that to be baptized and to be considered one of the Lord's people, we must be "willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light" and "willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort."

Let that sink in. We must be willing to bear one another's burdens, mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort. If that's not what friendship is, then I don't know what is.

A couple of months ago, two people I thought were my friends said, "There's enough going on in the world; we don't need to add to each other's plates." It was then that I realized my idea of friendship is wholly different than theirs. They want lighthearted and agreeable conversation. They want laughter and fun. I want that, too, but I also want friends who care about my burdens. When I talk of frustration or sadness or a wrong someone has done to me, I want a friend who says, "Gosh, I'm sorry. That really stinks! What a jerk that person is for treating you like that!" That's it. That's all. We don't even have to dig into details. I just want someone who lets me know that they're in this life with me, and they'll be by my side when things are hard. They'll want to know of my joys, but also of my sorrows. I don't think it's too much to ask, and if they're Mormon, they should know it's at the heart of being one of the Lord's people.

Thing I'm thankful for: my best friend, Daryl