Christmas was Different This Year
A friend wrote this as her Gmail status today: "Being with family is the most comfortable place in the world."
As I read that, I realized that's what was different this year. I had just written in my journal -- all about Christmas this year and how it felt sort of off. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but when I read my friend's status, I disagreed with it. I realized that this is the first year of my life that I don't feel that being with family -- at least, the family I was born into -- is the most comfortable place in the world.
I assume that's the kind of family she meant, since I know she is with them for Christmas. Sure, I understand what she means -- your biological family is filled with people who share the same genetic traits with you. They have seen your very worst of lows, probably, and they still love and accept you.
One thing they can't know, though, is the person you are apart from them or the person you are trying to become. If you don't live at home, they only know your past and probably only a small part of your present. At some point, they likely will not play a huge role in your future, either. My married siblings who live out-of-state rarely visit. I see them maybe once every couple of years. In large part, they live their own, separate lives with their new families -- the families they've created with a spouse. And one day, their children will marry, and they'll create lives with their own spouses. And on and on and on.
What I mean is, at some point, the eventual point I think every human being is looking for -- religious or not -- is to find someone to share their lives with. And in order to do that, I think it's essential that being with our biological families is no longer the most comfortable place in the world. My hope is, at least, that my most comfortable place in the world is with my future husband.
So . . . Christmas 2009. It's the first year I've really felt like I'd be more comfortable with someone not at all related to me. I'd rather be with my spouse's family at Christmas -- if it meant I was with my spouse -- than my own childhood family.
It's a crazy thing to think, I guess, but it crossed my mind, so I decided to share it. Please, by all means, let me know what you think.
Thing I'm thankful for: getting a break from work.