Open Letter to Men, No. 2

Dear Men,

Before I get to the meat of things, let me tell you about dancing.  Tonight I went dancing.  It was an English country dance, and because that type of dance is based around a fixed series of movements, it's imperative that there is a clear male lead and a female follow.  I had not gotten through three complete dances before it was obvious to me just how important it is for the male lead to be strong.  Sure, I'd noticed this before when dancing, but tonight, I was reminded of it again.  I enjoyed the experience so much more when my partner knew what he was doing.

So to you I say, make your relationship with a woman like a dance.  Be a strong lead.  How do you do that?  Here, I'll write it in bold:

Be decisive.
Be decisive, be decisive, be decisive!

There is perhaps no quality more attractive in a man.  Seriously, there have been about a bajillion studies that show that women are attracted to confidence, and I think it's because on a practical level, confidence is instantiated in decision-making.

Does this mean you can't ask your date or wife what she thinks about something?  Of course not!  (See Open Letter to Men, No. 1.)  Does it mean what you say always goes?  No!  It does mean, however, that sometimes, women just need you to make a decision.  If your date gives you a few ideas for dinner, make the final call.  If you're both bored and don't quite know what you want to do, pick an activity and plan it.  If your wife can't decide what to wear for your work party and she shows you some examples of what she's thinking, pick one.

The point is, a woman wants a man to be able to make decisions.  She wants to know that if she needs help with a decision, her man can actually help.  She also wants a man to take charge once in a while.

Think your crush or girlfriend or wife is the kind of woman who likes to wear the pants in the relationship?  Think again.  The sexual revolution of the 1960s created all kinds of confusion about gender roles that I personally think we're still feeling the dizzying effects from, but when all is said and done, women need men and vice versa.  We need each other to help each other make decisions, and all things being equal, it's nice for a man to take over and say, for example, "Yes, let's just take a cab" or "Let's eat at [restaurant X] over [restaurant Y]."  Heck, sometimes I wish I had a man around to say, "Sara, quit doing homework for the night.  You need sleep.  Go to bed!"  And then I want him to stand there and wait for me to start getting ready for bed.  Because sometimes, it's too late to think, and I need someone to just tell me to go to sleep.

I really can't stress this one enough, men.  Just learn to be decisive.  If you have to work on your confidence first, do it.  Just get to the point where you can make decisions.

I'll end with a special note for single men:  If you can make decisions for yourself in your own life, women everywhere will notice.  Do you struggle with the fear of missing out on the multitudes of social events you could be attending?  Well, stop it.  Stop it right now.  As soon as you learn to make decisions confidently, two things will happen:  1) You will be happier, and 2) Women will be attracted to you.

Okay.  That's it for now.  Be decisive!


Good luck,
Sara