Monday, February 21, 2011

In the Wee, Small Hours of the Morning, or Free Associations about Texas

I fell asleep at ten something tonight.
I woke up at 1:30.

Right now, someone in the apartment below me is vacuuming, (It just took me three tries to spell "vacuuming" right.) and because I am also a night owl, I appreciate the late-night productivity.

Today was a good day. I had four good conversations at church, including one with the second counselor of the bishopric, and went to choir practice. I had more good conversations with various members of my family and a few good friends from Atlanta. I enjoyed the scenery on my drive through Austin this morning, when I was on my way back from my parents' house.

I will tell you what I've told so many of my family today: I am not what I would describe as "happy" here in Texas. It's been a hard, hard change. It's been hard to get to know people and hard to let my personality out. School is more time-consuming than I ever imagined, and navigating Texas frontage roads is extremely frustrating.

But. Texas is my New York. If I can make it here, I'll make it anywhere. I needed a change from Atlanta. In Atlanta, I was comfortable; I loved my life and my friends there. I believe, though, that the purpose of this life is to grow, to be challenged, and to learn to make difficult decisions. How could I do that, if I was always comfortable? For the first time in my life, I want to explore. I want to see new places and try new things. I want to be so familiar with the different regions of the country, that I can say things like this to people: "When I lived in [insert state here], I thought the weather was horrible, but I loved eating at [insert restaurant name here]."

I don't know if Texas is the best place for me, but it is a better place for me than Atlanta had become. It changed my way of thinking dramatically, and I'll probably always remember it as a pivotal, life-changing place. (I'll start referring to my life in reference to this time; for example, "Before Texas, I thought . . ." Or "In 2 A.T., I graduated from school, and . . .")

So . . . I wouldn't say I'm "happy," but I'm content with the direction that my life is in. I'm glad I'm changing and progressing and learning a new perspective. I have yet to discover whether Texas is my Promised Land, but it is definitely at least somewhere along the way.

Thing I'm thankful for: cell phones and Skype and GPSs


Blogger Em T said...

I think change can be tiring. Even going to church every Sunday somewhere you are not accustomed to being. It takes so much energy when you feel like you're on your guard, all the time, with unfamiliar surroundings. Some people thrive off that feeling of chaos, others... not so much.

I think, whether or not you decide this is a place you'd like to stay, you'll be able to be "happy" once you are able to let your guard down and relax.

At least that's my two cents, looking in from the blog. lol. I love you!

9:10 AM  
Blogger cardlady said...

Very insightful of you Sara. You are getting there. I am getting there about being here in Texas too. Much growth, and in my case, much loss (weight) which is good. Thanks for being YOU!

7:31 PM  
Blogger Jason Kesler said...

Yeah, those frontage roads are crazy. Design flaw -- actually, design fail.

8:46 AM  

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