Sunday, April 22, 2007

Sometime in the Beginning of February . . .

I kind of lost interest in blogging. What a far cry from my blogging heydays. Should I tell you why? Instead of writing paragraphs about it, I'm just going to make a list:
  • Spent some late hours at the office.
  • Began babysitting for extra money.
  • Started reading (and have since quit) 20 pages of the Book of Mormon per day.
  • Have had a lot of very expensive dental work done. (In 3 days, I'll have a gold tooth . . . I'm gettin' a crown, ATL style.)
  • Been very socially active -- I hosted 2 parties in a month and a half. I'm hardly ever home.
  • Applied for -- and did not get accepted into -- the Master's program in Human-Computer Interaction at GA Tech. :(
All in all -- not a terrible 2 months. I have a lot to be grateful for. I also have a lot to work on. Lately, though, I have just felt like I have nothing worthwhile to say. I feel like my brain is just . . . blank. I used to think and think and think about all sorts of things -- literature, philosophy, day-to-day musings, what have you. I still think, I guess . . . but I feel like it's not worth sharing. Or that maybe nobody wants to read about what I have to say. I'm just kind of in a funk. I feel like my brain is like those two eggs in a frying pan, but without the drugs.

This feeling became really pronounced with that last list item. I think I handled the news well at first, but now that it's been a few weeks, I think, "What am I going to do now?" "What am I doing with my life?" One good thing is that I had been wondering how I was going to pay for school -- what with all of this major restorative dental care -- and now I don't have to pay for it . . . I do feel rejected, though. I'm not used to academic failure . . .

This is not just taking a toll on my blogging. I feel like my human-to-human interactions are not as good, either. I've been pretty quiet lately. Oh, sometimes I'm talkative, and I laugh and have fun, but I feel like most of it's empty conversation -- on my part, that is. Maybe I need to do more reading. I used to read all the time. And maybe I need to get more sleep.

What do you suggest? Do you have any helpful hints?

Thing I'm thankful for: violin solos.


Blogger Heather S. said...

I love you Sawa, always have and always will. I think your smile is a ray of sunshine and I mean that. I think you are a sweetie and are intitled to have a slow/crappy/down (or whatever you want to refer to it as) bout. It oddly enough makes us all human to have those.

11:19 AM  
Blogger Lauren said...

Maybe you should stay at home once in a while to try to get your bearings. And to talk with your lovely roommate.

I really do think you should read more -- B.O.M., classics, philosophy -- doesn't matter what. Makes you challenge yourself mentally when you feel less than inspired. But, hey, I'm an English nerd.

2:22 PM  
Blogger Jacki said...

When one door closes, another window opens... just find that window Sara. To better help you find that window, make a list of your most important goals and then re-evaluate where you need to be to achieve those goals.

9:30 PM  
Blogger Lexia said...

Go to Hawaii and get "leis"ed.

11:55 AM  
Blogger Nicole said...

Yeah, weird, huh? to see me on here? Sorry, I've been a terrible blogging friend! I'd say spend some time in the beautiful spring weather, walking, talking to God, letting your thoughts just run free... It always cleans me up inside so that I can thoughts and people in again.

8:59 PM  

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