Saturday, August 19, 2006

The Man Rules

A friend forwarded this to me, and I thought it was worthy of a post. I put my favorite rules in bold.

The MAN Rules:

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but, did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

3 Comments:

Blogger Jacki said...

Man the more I read those the more I think that I am a man. Huh... No really though, number one was my favorite rule.

6:52 PM  
Anonymous ian said...

A friend of mine posted this on his Livejournal a month or so ago and it is as true today as it was when I first read it! His wife even reposted it! ;D

You forgot to mention the most important part though! That they are all labeled "#1" because they are (ostensibly) ALL of equal importance! I don't necessarily agree with the sports ones, the talking ones, and the color one, but I do think the following are absolutely VITAL:

"1. Men are NOT mind readers."

"1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys." (I also think this should be stated in reverse: if you won't be as tolerant and understanding as the heroines in an action flick, don't expect us to dress like we stepped out of GQ or an indie rock band or what-have-you.)

"1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself."

"1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear."

"1. You have enough clothes."

"1. You have too many shoes."

11:30 PM  
Blogger Yvonne said...

I like the one about being in shape ;o) I am a very adamant proponent of staying in shape, but this is just funny!

8:28 AM  

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