Me and Marriage

You didn't think I was done at Men and Marriage, did you?

When I'm writing a blog post, I write for an audience. Normally, I don't know who that audience is because they hardly ever comment. So I continue writing and wondering if anyone ever reads this thing . . . This week, I got a pretty good idea of who is reading. I guess I need to write sassy posts more often. :) In truth, I was planning on posting something about me and marriage, anyway; I just didn't know when. This seems to be as good a time as any, I guess.

I'll start by saying that I don't hate men, and I wasn't thinking of any of my past romantic relationships when I wrote that last post. I wouldn't say I'm bitter about being single -- sad, maybe, but not bitter. I'm actually feeling the best I've ever felt about being unmarried. For the first time in a long time, I understand what a blessing it can be to live life alone. Of course I'd rather have someone to talk to at the end of the day -- someone who's just for me and isn't going anywhere. But I'm okay with being single right now.

As an almost 30-year-old, single woman, let me tell you some of the questions I have asked myself in my 20s. "What's wrong with me?" "What am I doing wrong that's keeping me from getting married?" "What am I not doing that's keeping me from getting married?" "Am I pretty enough?" "Am I flirting enough?" "Am I talkative and outgoing enough?" "Am I not assertive enough?" "Am I too independent and assertive?" "Am I focusing too much on myself?" "Am I in the right city?" "Am I open enough to dating lots of different guys?" "Am I too open to dating lots of different guys?"

That's only a small list of questions. Maybe guys ask themselves those kinds of questions, too; I have no idea. But those are the things that most women have wondered. The good thing about those questions, is that if I'm honest with myself, I will find out what I need to work on to become a better member of society, period. The problem, though, was that I thought I needed to be perfect in order to get married. That somehow, it was all my fault that I was still single.

So what's the solution? Blame men. HA! Just kidding. :) (Though I do think that's part of it and I won't get into it again because I already did that this week.)

My point with this post, I guess, is to tell you that I know single women have things to work on. I know I have things to work on. But that's not why I'm not married. And I suppose that's what all the good men would say in response to Men and Marriage. But let me tell you, Flannery O'Connor was right about good men being hard to find.

So this is my current approach to dating: Be interesting, be approachable, and be concerned with other people first. After that, it doesn't really matter what happens. Sister Thompson (who is single) of the General Relief Society Presidency said, "Well, I guess I've learned over the years that you just go on with life. You try to be happy and make yourself useful. Serve!"

I think that's a good way for anyone to live, but I think it's an especially good way for single women to live.

* To listen to the entire interview with Sister Thompson, see Conversations, Episode 29.


Thing I'm thankful for: San Antonio!