I'm Not Bitter, But . . .
. . . It really is an act of God to get guys to grow up. I've always heard women say that, and I always knew what a great thing it is when two people decide to get married. But I've really um, internalized it or something over the last few weeks. It's a miracle for a man and a woman to "be on the same page" at the same time. Actually, the miracle is for a man to get his head on straight -- women are usually just waiting for that to happen because they're about 5 steps ahead anyway.
I'm not saying this out of anger -- it's just fact. Even "good guys" have a hard time making a marriage commitment. My brothers are no exceptions, and I love them a lot. See? No bitterness. :)
So now I'm even more happy about the people I know right now who have decided to get married. Congratulations to you all! (Or congratulations to the guy -- YAY! You did it! You decided to commit to the girl you love for the rest of your life!)
Thing I'm thankful for: the ability to read. I was thinking about that this morning, and I'm really glad my grandma began teaching me at age 4.
posted by Sara @ 7:08 AM
13 Comments:
I'll admit that men have a hard time committing, but women often want to jump to the marriage part before going through the process of getting to know each other. It's not a decision to make lightly... a mistake made now could haunt you the rest of your life.
-a man
"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished." -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
Oscar Wilde
Hm, thank you, anonymous man, for commenting. That mentality is part of what I'm talking about. It's true -- men and women need to make sure they know each other pretty well before getting married. But how long is long enough? Several months? A year? 2 Years? 5 years?
You can see how this "We need to get to know each other better" attitude can lead to a prolonging of a marriage commitment -- and all in the name of "making sure you get it right."
I think women move more quickly than men, not always out of a rush to be married, but out of a mature knowledge that you get to know someone as much as you can. But you can really only go so far. There will always be surprises and things you don't expect. But that's part of marriage -- you make a commitment in spite of faults and future mistakes and weird quirks and then stick with it.
Well, of course Oscar Wilde would say that -- he was gay, wasn't he?
Biased comments don't count. :)
Just so nobody gets confused:
1) I'm not fuming, here. Maybe you can't tell because it's in writing, but I'm not fuming . . .
2) I never said girls don't have problems, but since this particular problem with guys is the one I'm discussing, I'm only talking about it.
3) I'm sticking to my guns with this one. Yeah, there are guys who don't fall into this generalization -- like prophets and apostles . . . and sometimes "regular" guys. But it's a generalization and not one I'm just lightly throwing out there. I don't think it's unfounded. I've tried to disagree with myself, but I just can't seem to.
You know, I think that women being more getting the ball rolling started with our first parents... Even Eve had to push Adam a little, or else they would still be in the garden frolicking with animals and such. That is just women's nature. I am happily married and I still need to push my husband to do things... Women are just pushy. Is it wrong to be pushy? Maybe. But if the hat fits... wear it!
JACKI! You are so funny! You said what I meant, but in a funny, non-threatening kind of way. Niiiice.
Mommy and I were just talking about how quick-witted you are. And then I read this comment and laughed and laughed and laughed!
Wow. Um, I'm going to refrain from writing a book here.
But I do want to say that, as someone who usually breaks it off with guys after about the third date, it's not commitment I fear but being with a guy that is all wrong for me. I think that maybe girls formulate and figure out what qualities they need in a husband while boys are still playing GI Joe. So maybe girls just recognize those qualities faster...
Another thing is that I feel like girls can MAKE themselves ready to marry a decent guy when one comes along. And I think there are alot of reasons for that, but I'll spare ya.
Lauren -- That's definitely true about girls making themselves like someone. A girl may not be "ready" to get married, but if she notices "marriageable" qualities in a man, she will be ready real quick.
Brian -- No, you didn't sound like you were disagreeing at all . . . It's okay if you were. I'm still right, though. HA! :) Also, I don't think that men can't help it. I think they definitely can, but most of the time they -- like most people, including girls -- tend to NOT do things they're uncomfortable with.
As far as a solution goes, there is more than one. Nike's "Just Do It" slogan would fit in nicely here. Take the plunge, guys. Just start dating, and be okay with the fact that "this girl" just may be the last one. Girls have commitment fears, too, I guess. But they get over it in about a minute and a half. So. Get over yourselves, and just do it. Yeah.
Men and Women will NEVER be on the same page. In fact we will never be in the same book genre...ever. Keeps things very interesting.
Sara, did you forget to say what are you thankful for on this one?
Hm, yes, thank you, Ezra. Will do that straight away . . .
From the looking glass of a man I "quote" Hermen Melville's classic, Moby Dick; of course adding a few things as well.
...so in the soul of man there lies one insular Tahiti [Tahiti, being women or the thought of having one all to yourself], full of peace and joy [love and all the good stuff that attracts us to them], but encompassed by all the horrors of the half known life [all the fears that keep us boys from committing]. God keep thee! Push not off from that isle, thou canst never return [once you find your isle, don't let it go, 'cause if you do you ain't goin' back. "God hath no furry like a woman scorned"]!
I bid thee farewll. Cast thine own sails until thy joy reaches the gunwales!
I like Jackie's, Ezra's, and Brooks's funny remarks because I think that's the only way to take this. I agree, we can't be on the same page because we need the attributes that are different. I have noticed recently that if there are misunderstandings in a relationship or if you're not on the same page and embarassing things happen the way to deal with it is to laugh about it together, and then with a lighter heart try to explain what each really meant. I've had a whole lot of good laughs that way recently ;o) Makes me realize how silly I often am rather than just thinking the guy to be silly or rude or whatever.
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