Relationship Failures

I don't usually dislike people, but a long time ago, I disliked my crush's crush. I disliked her because she was taller and thinner than me. Because she was more girly and whimsical. Because she was a better writer. Because she threw dinner parties. Because she had a straight nose, a long neck, and a well-defined jawline. I disliked her because he liked all the things she was and had and did. He wanted to marry her, even.

As it turns out, he didn't marry her. And as it turns out, I think they were actually perfect for each other. I'm glad I understood that so long ago and encouraged him to pursue her, even though it was painful for me. I'm not exactly sure why their relationship didn't last, but looking back, I wish it had. I think it would've been a good thing.

What wouldn't have been a good thing was him and me. Or me and any other guy I dated, especially the one I wanted to marry. I stumbled upon him on social media today and thought (with great intensity), "I hope I never see him again." It's funny how time and perspective change things. One day you're bawling over someone as you make your way back home through the Southwest heat in an unconditioned car, and four and a half years later, you can't even remember his birthdate.

I'm glad I am where I am in life. I sometimes wish I could change things. I wish I could be married and have a few kiddos constantly crowding my space, but that's just not my life. Maybe someday I'll find someone and maybe I won't, but good grief, I tried. I tried and I failed, and what I guess I'm saying right now is . . . I'm grateful for the failures.


Thing I'm thankful for: chicken noodle soup