Tuesday, August 16, 2011

A Reason I'm Single?

Today I was told that I would make a great wife. That it was unbelievable I'm not married yet. After discussing this a bit, the guy who paid me the compliment said that perhaps the reason I'm not married is not because I'm doing anything wrong, but because I'm doing everything right. "Guys are intimidated by you," he said.

Maybe. Maybe not. But if that is the case, what am I supposed to do with that information? Be . . . lesser than I am?

The person who told me this meant it in a complimentary way, and I was flattered. It was such a nice thing to say, but also, a bit frustrating. I'm left wondering if it's true . . .

What do you think, readers? Do guys get intimidated to the point of not asking a girl out? Is that really a factor at play in dating?


Thing I'm thankful for: fresh, ripe peaches!

7 Comments:

Blogger Sara said...

I feel as though I can empathize with that statement and all its frustrations.

It's a compliment and it's almost like a curse at the same time. It's great to hear, "You're so wonderful!" followed by, "Maybe just a little TOO wonderful!"

If I had any clue why those goobers do what they do, I probably would be better off. Sadly, I got nothin'.

6:51 AM  
Blogger Aubrey said...

It's total B.S.

Sara I agree with the complimenter. You have all of the paramount abilities that will one day make you an illustious wife.

I think many of the single gals we know are of the highest caliber of wife material.

The problem is this: I sincerely think the boys do not want to get married. They do not seem to ask anyone out.

Of the guys we know, think about it, they probably all say "I want to get married" but does the way they life their lives demonstrate that desire? Does it inspire much confidence? It does not for me.

I think they just like things the way they are. They like having fun. Who wants to add that much responsibility and pressure (Becasue, yes, as lovely as marriage is and as much as we want it, there will be some added pressure that comes along with it).

I think the guys we know, the guys you knew, and the guys I have known all may think that they want to get married - but it is obviously not as high on their priority list as it should be.

You just keep being wonderful, and keep getting more wonderful. I often repeat this to myself and somedays I belive it
"Faith in God includes faith in God's timing." Neal A. Maxwell

ps - tell me who gave you this compliment, "it'll be our little secret" - Gretchen Weiners

9:13 AM  
Blogger michele said...

First of all, I'm jealous of your fresh, ripe peaches!!!!

Secondly, you ARE doing everything right! I mean, nobody's perfect but you're pretty awesome.

If a guy doesn't ask you out because he's intimidated by you then you probably wouldn't want to be with that guy anyway, right?

Well, I seldom give good dating advice so don't take my word for it. I always used to hate it when people would say to me, "I can't believe you're not married yet, you're so _____ ." So maybe you should just ignore that "compliment" or at least don't over-think it!

9:16 AM  
Blogger Sean Reque said...

Well, I can't represent all guys, but yea, sometimes I don't ask a girl out because I'm intimidated. We're all intimidated by certain qualities in other people.

I was actually intimidated but one of the last girls I dated immediately after I met her. I was intimidated by the fact that she was so nice to everyone, very self-confident around men, and overall just a cheerful, energetic, attractive girl. I thought she would never be interested in someone like me. However, I talked with her anyways just to be friendly and during our conversation felt like there was a slight possibility that she might be interested in me. I pursued the option, and we ended up dating for several months!

So, I don't buy what that guy said at all! You can be wonderful, in fact you must be wonderful, if you want to attract that wonderful guy you are looking for. Would you settle for anything less?

11:45 PM  
Blogger rob bell said...

First of all, you posted this at 4 in the morning... Classic!
Secondly, the intimidating factor is real, but it does not ever stop a guy from asking a girl out. That is just a lame way of saying I think you're great but never really wanted a relationship. Aubrey, whoever you are, had some pretty good things to say. I'd agree with her points. We may think a girl is out of our league and not pursue, but you'd never know that until you said something about it. Anyway, the whole factor is compounded by the people we associate with. Its really frustrating to young single adults, and especially the ladies because, well- we are all young single adults. Isn't it crazy that this seems like such a problem for us. I mean, it seems like all the guys we know don't want to commit or just want to date and not be serious... Maybe that is because we don't associate much with guys that are married, in high school, are fathers, etc... those who aren't classified in the non-committal category. Therefore my point is that your association is with all the guys who are not yet committed, so yeah, all the guys you know have some commitment issue. You smell what I'm stepping in? One day you'll find a dude without a commitment issue because he'll be committing to you. It's funny how we think that everyone we know around us is great and not married. Why is that we ask? Well, its because we hang around people who are great and not married :) If we were married we wouldn't be thinking "why is everyone around me so great and still single?" Rather, if we were married, we'd be thinking why is my great friend not married yet? Who can I set her up with?"

Ok I've written enough from the 4th chapter in the gospel of Rob. Trust me, you don't really want to get into the 5th chapter. Its quite controversial.

2:46 PM  
Blogger Ed Page said...

Then there is the whole thing of overgeneralizing, like that for every non-married guy its about commitment issues.

7:45 PM  
Anonymous dylan schlosser said...

so,the fact that this was posted at four is very impressive.
i think that you misunderstand the intimidation factor. guys are intimidated by amazing girls because they want them to be satisfied, and they're scared that if the woman is too excellent then the wife will not accept the husband. they want to make their wife as happy as they are making them, and how could that be possible if they are so much better?
is sounds very cheesy, i dnow, but guys do not realize that it is perfectly acceptable to do this and that women just want a husband. so, because of your amazing amazingness, you will find yourself coming to one of two solutions.
one: a guy will come to the realization that it is perfectly acceptable to marry someone that is considered better in amazingness, and that they should so that the counterpart can help them to become an even better person.
or...
two:you will find a guy of equal amazingness (future prophet, future apostle) that wants a girl of their own standard to help them keep being amazing just as you are.
so...start looking for possible propheterial candidates

4:32 AM  

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