Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Single in the City, or Why I Like My Friends

I've been thinking lately about being single. In my early college years, I didn't really care. There was no desire to get married or "be in a relationship," for that matter. Now, though, to be married would be heaven. I don't know when my mind made that switch, but I do distinctly remember feeling lonely around my junior year of college. I was about 21 years old or so.

For a while, I just wanted to find someone I liked and could love, and for a while, I was frustrated that there were girls who constantly dated but didn't want to get married. I went through feelings of anger when girls who are much younger than me married boys much older. I was irritated that many guys between the ages of 20 and 35 didn't regularly ask girls out on official dates. I felt hurt and confused when guys I liked didn't like me back. I went through all of these emotions and many more, and I guess I still think about them sometimes.

I'm 25 now, and I'm just waiting. I'm "working on myself" and that kind of thing, but mostly I just sit patiently (and sometimes not-so-patiently) in the world of loneliness that is singlehood. As I was driving home tonight, I conceded that I love to be alone sometimes. My roommate is at her parent's house right now, and I have the apartment to myself. I don't have to clean the main living area as much; there are dirty dishes in the sink and I don't care a bit; and I don't have to talk at all. (I do like you around most of the time, though, Lauren.) Being alone is nice at times; I think most people would agree with that.

But being lonely is never nice. It's a sad and depressing feeling that makes me feel old -- as if I've outlived all my loved ones.

Here are the things that get me through those negative times:
  • baking
  • watching movies
  • blogging
  • reading
  • surfing the internet
  • shopping
  • cleaning and organizing
  • going to church activities

That last one is really what I wanted to highlight with this post. I'm so thankful for my friends. I'm glad to have people to talk to and have fun with. I'm not glad that my friends aren't married either, but I'm glad I'm not alone in my loneliness. I marvel that some of them are still single, and it really is a testament to me that I'm not still single just because I'm not pretty enough or talented enough or righteous enough.

I know 25 is a young age, and I don't need to fret too much just yet. But anybody can feel lonely. I'm just happy that most of the time, I have friends to keep my mind occupied. I love my friends. So, I guess in the spirit of the forthcoming holiday, I want to give thanks for my friends. They make life exciting in a time when I'm away from family or wishing for the future to arrive. Thanks, friends. I love you a ton.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Sara, I totally understand what you're saying! I agree with most of it, but I just want to put this thought out there - married people can be lonely, too. I think that would be a worse kind of lonely than single-lonely.

Karmelle (who is happy she can call Sara when she's lonely.)

8:51 AM  
Blogger Lexia said...

The other day I told this girl at work I was lonely. She asked me if I had friends in the city. She didn't understand what I was talking about. It was kinda funny.

10:39 AM  
Anonymous ashley said...

Well, the good part about being thankful for your friends is the fact that they are thansful for you too!! I love you to death and cherish each time we get to hang out ;) And being lonely can suck, but it helps you learn to appreciate the times when you aren't anymore, and maybe cherish those people a little bit more!! I hope that made sense...

I love you ;)

2:12 PM  
Blogger Lauren said...

You know, I don't think marriage solves loneliness, and I know that's not what you're saying. But it's like that post I wrote a while back -- when will we stop looking forward to when our lives "start" and just enjoy now? I've made it a resolution of mine to live it now. And I'm really enjoying myself. (Minus the loneliness that is inevitable from time to time.) Life really is good.

4:23 PM  

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