Drive, Drive, Work, Sleep, Drive
The title of this post is basically my life. The sleeping part really only takes up about 5 hours each night. Consequently, I'm extremely tired during the day. I have such a difficult time focusing on my work. Must . . . get . . . sleep.
Why do I deprive myself of such a glorious part of life? I've said it about 20 times, and I'll say it again: I want to get married. There. I said it. To the World Wide Web.
I decided that if I don't get married, it won't be for not trying. And trying includes driving to Atlanta at least 4 times a week -- that's an hour of driving each way. What do I do in Atlanta? I hang out with other young, single, LDS church-going people.
Well, last night I asked some people why guys (and I guess it really applies to girls, too) don't date very much. (I think there's a consensus about this: LDS boys typically don't date; they "hang out.") One guy said that guys are too busy. I immediately disagreed. Yeah, he's got a point. Sort of. I understand that people are not always ready to date/be engaged/get married/etc. I think I came across as "willfully misunderstanding." But I had a point, and although I didn't say it well, I think it's a pretty good one.
That is, people are busy. But if you want something badly enough, you make time. Yeah, you forego sleep. I drive 2 hours just to go to an activity! Talk about not having a lot of time. I haven't cleaned my room in a month, I haven't had time to watch TV, I haven't had time to bake anything (which I really miss), and I haven't, as I said before, had much sleep. Sure, I didn't always do this. There was a time when I just didn't want to put forth the effort. And I know other people feel that same way.
So my point is that people always say they're busy. We're always going to be "busy." I don't know if anyone ever has the time or the money to get married. But it's a sacrifice you make. Once you decide that's what you want, I guess.
I think I just answered my own question. Why don't guys ask girls on dates more often, and vice versa? I guess they're just not ready to "commit" or something like that. Or maybe they just haven't found a right person. There are all sorts of reasons, I suppose. But I'm not buying the "too busy" excuse. Not buying it at all. I'd rather someone say, "Well, my last boyfriend cheated on me, and I'm still a little unnerved by it." Yeah, it's private, but it's honest. And people are okay with saying much worse things . . .
At least I know there's one person who agrees with me: Blake. Check out his post on (sort of) the same thing. Trust me when I say it's worth reading!
Thing I'm thankful for: The principle of repentance.
posted by Sara @ 8:35 AM
9 Comments:
Sara, I love this post. I have come to very similar conclusions lately. I tend to be a recluse during the semester and I truly love what I do and can be perfectly happy with books piled high around me for a long time, if that so happens. But, I need people, and I love people. And, if I ever want to get married, I need to be out meeting people. Also, if I don't want to stutter, see words floating around me like little boats trying to find a shore, and generally start acting like the world's biggest socially dislexic walking dictionary. In the same discovery process I have found out that there are a lot of very interesting people out there I had completely missed on my nerd-bouts.
Finally, the comment window works!
You've cornered the excuse very well. As you say, we make time for what's important to us, and we really can't complain if we find that we aren't getting what we want in life.
That said, making that time can still be more difficult than we'd like. For example, as I try to reactivate members of my quorum's presidency and attend to other branch duties, I find that there are times where other good and important things have to give. There are times I've used church responsibilities as an excuse (let's be honest here), but there are others where I felt I truly had to put meeting people and seeing about finding someone second, hoping for some compensatory outside Help because I was doing the right thing.
I'm no angel, I'm never satisfied with the level of effort I put forth, but occasionally I really do feel that I have to rob time from dating.
I'm guessing that everybody has these kinds of times.
Coming back to the rule rather than the exception, how we spend our time illustrates what's truly important to us. We can talk a great game about what our values are, but we'll see what they truly are when we look at where we devote our time. If we don't like it, we know where to go to make things change.
Can I just say that:
a.) I am one of the other people that doesn't "want to put forth the effort." I'll admit it. And yeah, it's probably because I'm not ready to commit to someone right now.
b.) I love that you wrote "a right person," instead of THE right person. Completely, 100% agree.
c.) You can put forth the effort because you don't have homework anymore. :)
I saw this article on MSN. It totally fits this post.
Here's a link for it.
What does it mean if you want Mr. Right Now? Ha! Ha! That's a funny phrase. I congratulate the genius who thought of it.
Homework, Lauren? Are you asking Sara to write another post?
So, can you tell this to someone when they ask why you're not dating? "I had a conversation with myself the other day and learned I don't want to be in a relationship until I finish my thesis (which does have an end)." Is that too private? :o)
Oh man, Lex. That last part was fun-ny.
And I don't get what you're talking about with the whole homework thing.
Thanks for the article, Lauren. And Lexi, I think that's the perfect thing to say -- It's not too private, and it's completely straightforward. If you're gonna talk about how you're busy, at least be specific. Maybe that's it. "Busy" is too general and ambiguous, and when people say their busy, oftentimes they're completely lying. But if you are specific (e.g. I'm working on my thesis.), I know you're probably being honest.
Or maybe that's not true, either. At any rate, good answer, Lex. Good answer.
Thanks nanna. It's good to know people won't think I'm crazy for having my multiple personalities talk to one another (I know -- it's dissociative disorder, blah).
Lauren, I meant you're just asking for it. Sara will probably write a post about how homework is "just another excuse." Perhaps if you rephrase your answer by saying, "I'm writing a short novel for my creative writing class so I am not able to help you, stranger who just broke your lapierna, get to the hospital." I'm glad we've learned specifics make "busy" okay.
I've never been a fan of the "I'm busy" excuse either, although I know I've used it before. I think it is actually kind of patronizing in a way. Maybe I'm reading into it way too much, but I think that "I'm busy" can be translated into "I've got a life, with lots going on in it, and you don't." Crystal and I were talking about it some and I don't think that when people are "too busy" it is because they'd rather be doing what is keeping them busy, not because they have to, but because they want to.
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