Monday, December 16, 2019

What I Want In a Husband, Part 4

Ten years ago -- almost to the day -- I wrote a post called What I Want In a Husband, and one of my friends commented:
I say ditch the list! Cookie cutter husbands don't exist. Sure certain standards need to be met, but does it really matter if he's not musical or into some form of art? Wish lists are good, but how many women end up with a man that fits their list?
At the time, I thought, "Well of course it matters if he's not musical or into some form of art!" And I'd argue the finer points and explain exactly what I meant, and I'd defend myself to the death. Now, I'll simply say, "Yes, it matters," and leave it at that. I'll also say, "Lists are important, and even though my list wasn't about a cookie-cutter husband, if someone wants a cookie-cutter husband, that's fine. That's their prerogative."

Choosing a spouse is personal, as it should be. Spouses are, after all, presumably with you forever, so I would hope that everyone who wants to get married makes a thoughtful list of who they want and need.

In my case, I wanted 18 things. And guess what? I'm getting all 18. Yes, that's right, readers -- I'm getting married. At 38, I found someone who wants to marry me, and I want to marry him back. It's strange in all sorts of ways, but I'll save that discussion for another blog post. At the moment, I want to tell Kristy that I found someone who checks off all the list items, and more importantly, he says I check off all of his!

Let's review:
  1. Be curious. Daryl is first and foremost an engineer. He tinkers with things and works problems out in his mind until he figures them out. He asks questions that I don't even think of!
  2. Be a conversationalist. Conversations with Daryl are consistently good and progressively better. We talk about everything under the sun, and he says he loves listening to me.
  3. Be friendly. He's definitely quiet and keeps to himself mostly, but he's friendly. He asks people about themselves instead of talking incessantly about himself.
  4. Read. He reads a lot! Mostly non-fiction, but even some fiction, too. We often read the news aloud together and have long conversations about what we've just read.
  5. Have a little bit of bite! Well, first off, Daryl has a beard, which probably should've been on my list lo these many years ago. I think it indicates a healthy disregard for authority and/or social norms. He also laughs with me about inappropriate topics sometimes, and we definitely get into debates. There's a long-standing one that I don't ever think we'll see eye-to-eye on (i.e., meritocracy and whether it does and should exist).
  6. Constantly try to improve. Daryl certainly recognizes that he has faults, and he actively works to improve them. He's so humble, and he's quick to say he's sorry, if he's in the wrong.
  7. Eat sugar. Yep! He eats sugar! He likes what I bake!
  8. Be musical. He sings and plays the piano and cello! He also listens to great music! (I'm not gonna lie, though; my musical tastes are more rockin.')
  9. Appreciate art. He knows the name of paintings and artists he likes, and he pays to have fine art framed and displayed in his home!
  10. Play sports. This really should've been listed as "Be athletic." Daryl runs, bikes, and skis. He's especially daring on a mountain bike, and he's trying to instill a love of the outdoors in his kids.
  11. Be clean! He makes sure he gets the dishes nice and soapy and spotless on the inside and the outside. It almost makes me cry tears of joy.
  12. Respect Mother Nature. He doesn't litter at all! In fact, he recycles! Yay!
  13. Consider adoption. Check.
  14. Believe in unstructured play time for children. Check again. At the root of this list item was that he put some thought into parenting. Well, he has three children (ages 13, 11, and 8), so of course he has, but more importantly, we align on so many parenting decisions. (We grew up with similar family rules and culture.)
  15. Be a goof-off. I'm probably the sillier one, but he follows my lead when I'm in an especially ridiculous mood.
  16. Realize winter clothes are more expensive than summer clothes. Check! He likes all my sweaters!
  17. Be okay with my impersonations. Daryl is perfectly okay with the fact that I break into dialects or character with no warning. He's a fan of my Irish dialect. He even does a Russian voice! It's so great!
  18. Have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I had given up on this one a few years ago, but recently realized that I probably never should have. As I said earlier, I like to talk about everything under the sun, and for better or worse, this is one topic I can't get around. Also, Daryl attends the temple. He also volunteers and participates in service projects, and there's a general air of helpfulness about him. Finally, he bears his testimony to me and to his kids, and though I hope he bears his testimony in church sometime, as long as he does it in his own home, I'm happy.
  19. Believes that everyone on this earth really is a child of God. There was actually a 19th list item in a subsequent blog post, and Daryl checks that off, too. He treats everyone with respect, and he doesn't demean or laugh at people. He's the kind of person I would trust our kids with.

Thing I'm thankful for: rocking Banks to sleep


Anonymous Daryl said...

I love how deliberate you are about everything in life. Of course you made a list and stuck with it. Iā€™m just glad I happen to check all your boxes. You definitely check all of mine and I feel pretty lucky to have found you. I love you, Sara!

2:03 AM  
Blogger Cecilia said...

I love it. I am so excited for you. If it wasn't 5am I would say more but I love your list. Married to an quiet, funny amazing engineer is the best (I know this because I married one!)

3:13 AM  
Blogger cardlady said...

So glad you have found each other! Cant wait for the wedding! It's going to be a beautiful celebration and wonderful end to a difficult year for dad and I. Love you both!

3:50 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I love this! I'm so so happy to found everything you are looking for, and that you didn't accept less. He sounds wonderful! Congratulations!!

8:37 AM  
Blogger Dracoverde said...

I kept a blog for a few brief years, and it was the perfect way for my wife to get to know me before we met in person. The conversation hasn't ended since. Congratulations on your success and for sticking to your guns!

3:10 PM  

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