Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Alternative Plans

It's late, and I'm tired.  But tonight I feel something indescribable.  I thought maybe it was time for me to post a recap of the music festival I went to last weekend.  No, that's not right.  Maybe a song would convey what's on my mind and in my heart . . .  No to that, too.

Instead I found this:

I want to be a woman like that.  I want to change the world by helping children -- not just my own children that I may have in the future, but children that aren't mine.

I wish I had a husband, and I wish I had kids.  I wish I could lose sleep because I was calming a fussy baby and not because I was doing homework.  I wish I could run around crazy in the mornings trying to get six kids ready for school.  I wish I could gather all my children together at 5 or 6 o'clock and wait by the front door for the mister to come home; we would have a mini-party in the foyer.

I don't have those things, though.  Instead what I have is a different perspective.  Not getting the things we want forces us to come up with alternative plans, and so it was for me four years ago.  I realized that if I never got the chance to have biological kids, I'd adopt the children who don't have parents.  But that's not right, either.  Not now, anyway.  And so, yet another alternative plan has to be made.

That plan is still fuzzy, but it's starting to form.  I can just slightly discern the outline.  It's inspired by Elder Oaks' General Conference talk,* which may well have changed my life.  Elder Oaks has a way of connecting to my soul.  When he speaks, I listen intently.  When he commands, I want to obey.

This video reminded me of his General Conference address, and it reminds me of a tiny spark I feel inside my spirit -- a little ball of light that's waiting to grow and spread to my toes and fingertips, that fills me with the desire to serve more often than not.

*For Elder Oaks' full address, see Protect the Children.

Thing I'm thankful for: cool weather and cool breezes to match


Blogger Unknown said...

Oh, I love you, Sara. I was reading this while listening to Finn "sing" in his crib, and it struck a chord with me. I can't wait to talk to you about the "fuzzy plan" when you're in town and to see how I can help.

5:00 AM  
Blogger mlh said...

you rock my socks.

12:16 PM  
Blogger cardlady said...

Oh! My dear sweet SARA! Your post has brought me to tears! Many tears!
Your understanding of love and deep concern for humanity is why you are still here.
I am totally speechless, and have been praying for you to find your mate, or place in life here.
But, God must have a plan for you.
You are sincerely one of His most precious spirits! I love you so very much.

1:19 PM  
Blogger Carrie said...

you have such a good heart. you give me so much to work towards! i can't wait for you to realize each and every one of your dreams!

2:48 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

i have to say i honestly don't remember most of what anyone says at the pulpit each week, but your talk about motherhood in all different capacities still resonates with me. you and words. you and thoughtfulness. just two peas in a pod.

8:49 PM  

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