Tuesday, August 02, 2022

Something to Say

For the last several months, I've wanted to write, but I don't quite know what to say. I have glimmers of ideas, but I just can't seem to get the words out. I used to publish a post once a week or so, and now, I think I'm at about 4 posts per year.

Why? I'm not really sure, but there are two things that have been especially difficult during the past year: 1) my dad's death, and 2) being a step mom. I can't seem to shake this sadness from myself. I have moments of lightness, but I'll see something that reminds me of my dad and grief flickers through my body. I'll see a mother surrounded by her biological children and wonder what that must feel like.

Life is so hard. It's beautiful and wonderful and bright and sparkling, and it's melancholy and sorrowful and dark and dull. I don't know how to express all of it at the same time, so I'll leave some recent musings here:

  • I wish I could go to Dairy Queen with my dad and get him a raspberry Blizzard with chunks of Heath and Butterfinger.
  • When I was a child, I didn't understand how much my dad worked for my family; it must be hard for fathers to be absent during the day.
  • Fathers deserve as much respect as mothers do, and they deserve to have healthy relationships with their kids.
  • I'm a good parent.
  • Sometimes people say and do cluelessly hurtful things.
  • Sometimes people are really mean to people they don't even know.
  • Starting a food business is exciting and overwhelming and invigorating and scary.
  • Making friends is one of life's greatest joys.

That's all for now. I'll try to write more soon.

Thing I'm thankful for: chocolate milk


Blogger colleensewnsew said...

Sara, It's alright to miss you dad and you will continue to for the rest of your life. That means you love him and he was a bright spot in your life. Even though my dad has been gone a long time, and the pain is less now, there are still times I wish I could reach out to him and ask how he handled certain situations, or what he felt like when some things happened. It's okay, and the pain will be less.
You are amazing, and loved by so many people. The sadness will get better and hang in there with your "bonus" children. I don't know their ages, but I'll tell you this, teens don't like their own parents much, but it gets better.
Love you, Colleen

7:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I echo what Colleen says about everything. From my own personal experience with blending families and being a step mom. They love you and will come around. I don’t know the in and outs of their relationship with their bio mom. Just love them as they are your own, teach them as they are your own, comfort them as they are your own. You are a blessing to them as much as much as they are a blessing to you. We are going on 7 years a blending and every day is a new day.

3:44 PM  

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