Monday, December 28, 2020

One Year Down

Yesterday marked mine and Daryl's first wedding anniversary! I woke up to a nice note and a fancy pair of earrings and then more notes hidden around our bedroom/bathroom. It was really sweet, and I just kept thinking how happy I am to have married such a thoughtful person.

Friends have asked me how the last year has been, and honestly, it's been great. I have zero complaints! All my expectations of marriage have been met, and as far as Daryl is concerned, they've been exceeded. It helps that we are both in our late 30s, have stable and well-paying jobs, and know what it's like to feel lonely. I think, though, that even if it weren't for those things, we'd still be pretty happy because he's so thoughtful and kind and affectionate and open. Also, we're very well-suited to each other, and since I'm a believer in the birds-of-a-feather-flock-together idea of love, I think our similarities bode very well for a lifetime of love.

My oldest step-son was saying something today about "following your heart," and I told him that wasn't always the best idea. (He was trying, at that particular moment, to annoy me.) Then he said, "But you followed your heart when you married dad, didn't you?"
"No, I didn't actually."
"You didn't?"
"Well, maybe a little bit, but 90% of my decision had more to do with following my head."

Our conversation ended at that, but it's true. Most of my decision to marry Daryl was based on my interactions with him and the indicators he implicitly gave me. I knew, for example, that he was a good employee and a smart one based on meetings we had both attended and work conversations I overheard. I knew that he was generous with his money and time, based on the gifts he gave his family and the group lunches he paid for. And I knew that he was a good parent because he talked often and fondly about his children. There were smaller indicators, too -- he listened to similar music, he asked me out on actual dates and always walked to my door (I've had men honk their car horns!), and gave me well-worded and detailed compliments. In several small ways, he always, always, always made me feel like I was worth spending time with. It seems obvious, but in my experience, that is the most common failure -- and best indicator at future behavior -- when it comes to healthy relationships.

There's so much more I could write about Daryl and how I made the decision to marry him, but for now, I'll simply say that it was the easiest decision I've ever made in life. My brain determined what my heart rarely does: that this is the way to go in life; this is a person you can create a great life with.

Thing I'm thankful for: ganache truffles


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