Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Me and Marriage

You didn't think I was done at Men and Marriage, did you?

When I'm writing a blog post, I write for an audience. Normally, I don't know who that audience is because they hardly ever comment. So I continue writing and wondering if anyone ever reads this thing . . . This week, I got a pretty good idea of who is reading. I guess I need to write sassy posts more often. :) In truth, I was planning on posting something about me and marriage, anyway; I just didn't know when. This seems to be as good a time as any, I guess.

I'll start by saying that I don't hate men, and I wasn't thinking of any of my past romantic relationships when I wrote that last post. I wouldn't say I'm bitter about being single -- sad, maybe, but not bitter. I'm actually feeling the best I've ever felt about being unmarried. For the first time in a long time, I understand what a blessing it can be to live life alone. Of course I'd rather have someone to talk to at the end of the day -- someone who's just for me and isn't going anywhere. But I'm okay with being single right now.

As an almost 30-year-old, single woman, let me tell you some of the questions I have asked myself in my 20s. "What's wrong with me?" "What am I doing wrong that's keeping me from getting married?" "What am I not doing that's keeping me from getting married?" "Am I pretty enough?" "Am I flirting enough?" "Am I talkative and outgoing enough?" "Am I not assertive enough?" "Am I too independent and assertive?" "Am I focusing too much on myself?" "Am I in the right city?" "Am I open enough to dating lots of different guys?" "Am I too open to dating lots of different guys?"

That's only a small list of questions. Maybe guys ask themselves those kinds of questions, too; I have no idea. But those are the things that most women have wondered. The good thing about those questions, is that if I'm honest with myself, I will find out what I need to work on to become a better member of society, period. The problem, though, was that I thought I needed to be perfect in order to get married. That somehow, it was all my fault that I was still single.

So what's the solution? Blame men. HA! Just kidding. :) (Though I do think that's part of it and I won't get into it again because I already did that this week.)

My point with this post, I guess, is to tell you that I know single women have things to work on. I know I have things to work on. But that's not why I'm not married. And I suppose that's what all the good men would say in response to Men and Marriage. But let me tell you, Flannery O'Connor was right about good men being hard to find.

So this is my current approach to dating: Be interesting, be approachable, and be concerned with other people first. After that, it doesn't really matter what happens. Sister Thompson (who is single) of the General Relief Society Presidency said, "Well, I guess I've learned over the years that you just go on with life. You try to be happy and make yourself useful. Serve!"

I think that's a good way for anyone to live, but I think it's an especially good way for single women to live.

* To listen to the entire interview with Sister Thompson, see Conversations, Episode 29.

Thing I'm thankful for: San Antonio!


Blogger Unknown said...

My response to your last post got a little long so I turned it into a blog post. I guess I also took too long in writing it because you've already posted again. I think your conclusion here goes along with some of my random musings at the end of my post.

4:52 PM  
Anonymous Barry said...

Sara, I actually wrote and rewrote replies to your previous post but finally gave up due to there being to much to explain and be said in this tiny box. I'm glad you followed up.

You already plan on being "approachable" which I would say for women is the most important factor in today's world. There are a lot of other women who kind of ruin it for you with men. They are very cruel and rude because they are spoiled by male attention and the modern world of more female equality i.e. better jobs and more money. Since these women don't have to rely on men, they scorn the advances of the average man creating a virtual minefield. Who wants to cross a minefield for a slim chance at happiness?

Anyway, being approachable and clearly showing interest will get more advances. Women need to understand that outside of say a bar, if they don't show some CLEAR sign of interest first, they probably aren't going to be approached by that cute guy who was just picking up some bread and milk at the grocery store.

As for actually getting to marriage, that I have no advice for, but I would rather be alone than with the wrong person.

8:07 PM  
Blogger michele said...

Great post, Sara!

And I say that married women have things to work on too, for SURE!

12:00 PM  

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